It is what it is....

The Constitution of the United States informs you of your right to "pursue" happiness. Maybe the framers of the constitution knew how fleetingly brief and episodic happiness really is, which did not decree a right to it, only the pursuit of it.

I frequently meet with individuals who have somehow acquired the notion that happiness should be a constant state and when it is not experienced which, of course, it frequently isn't, they compound their specific negativity (car broke down, fight with spouse, children out of control, etc, etc) by criticizing themselves for being negative, thereby, magnifying their "unhappiness." Those feeling depressed, anxious, angry, etc., magnify these feelings through the belief that they should not be experiencing exactly what they are in that moment, which is absolutely absurd in a dualistic world of opposing states of being.

It seems the "positive thinking" movement has done a great deal of damage in demanding that "happiness" be a constant experience, negating the reality of frenetic modern existence and the nebulous nature of moods.

I often suggest that those seeking happiness, seek peace instead.

"Happiness" is defined differently by all the 6 billion minds pursuing it. What makes you "happy" is exclusive to many factors, i.e., culture, society, upbringing, media, etc.

Essentially, "happiness" is a programmed response, while peace is your natural inheritance.

Peace is experienced the same by everyone. It is simply an absence of conflict. A mind at peace is a mind free of conflict, even when knee deep in conflict. There are many in history who attest to experiencing peace, while deeply immersed in horrifyingly conflictual circumstances, circumstances that completely negate "happiness," but that have not obstructed them from finding peace within themselves, regardless of circumstances

Peace is often a surrender to the belief that, "it is what it is," as opposed to the complaints about how it "should" or "must" be (Albert Ellis called this "shoulding on yourself" and "musterbation").

Yet, by observing the conflicts in the world, we can see how peace is such a rare commodity. With so many seeking their own brand of "happiness," peace is rarely considered. Clearly, Isreal and Palestine know what would make them each respectively "happy." But for the last 50 yrs they have negated all attempts at achieving peace and so, remain in perpetual conflict.

You and your spouse certainly know what would make each respectively "happy," but you have no idea how to achieve peace and, so, exist in perpetual conflict.

Nature has no designs on achieving "happiness," and lives in peace and that peace expects conflict and deals with it because...

...it is what it is.