It seems as though we may need to differentiate between pain and suffering. Of course, we often use the metaphor of "pain" to define suffering, however, pain is immediate and non-volitional, whereas suffering has a degree of choice to it. This may be why we define emotional suffering as emotional 'pain,' because who would choose to suffer emotionally?
However, essentially, this is actually what we do.
If I stub my toe I will experience the immediacy of pain. If I choose prolonged complaining about the pain then I will 'suffer." In the experience of physical pain, I choose to reform the immediacy of the experience into suffering, by claiming to myself that "this should not have happened!" The time it takes is my choice and I can cognitively extinguish my suffering at any time.
Is a 'broken heart' pain or suffering? I may express it as emotional 'pain,' but inherent in the choice to love, is the choice to suffer. Pain is merely the metaphor for suffering and while I may refuse to express it as 'suffering,' deep down I realize I have chosen this experience and I can choose otherwise. If I stub my toe I cannot deny or negate my pain as it is unavoidable and in the moment. However, if you leave me for another, I can just as easily choose NOT to suffer, or even manage and modulate my suffering, therefore, proving that suffering is a volitional state of mind.
But in saying this, I do not denigrate or negate suffering, simply because to suffer for the right reason may be to reinforce growth. However, to suffer for the wrong reason is to repress growth.
COGNITIVE CHOICE
Of all the psychotherapies available (which have evolved from the psychological theories themselves), cognitive therapy has been proven the most effective, even rivaling psychotropic medications as far as longevity of effectiveness and limited risk of relapse or remission.
The theory of cognitive therapy is based on Shakespeare's famous maxim, "nothing is neither good nor bad; but thinking makes it so." The chief theoretical proposition is that "it is NOT reality that disturbs you (suffering), but your own unique interpretation of reality, that disturbs you." In other words, you disturb yourself, based on a unique interpretation you superimpose upon yourself, others and the world.
One can have a debilitating disease or even a terminal illness and still NOT suffer or suffer less than another with a less debilitating condition. The idea that there are certain situations or events that require suffering is just that, nothing but an idea that requires you choose to believe it. Yet, you could choose otherwise.
BUT IS SUFFERING RATIONAL AND SHOULD WE CONTROL EMOTIONS?
The studies have been replicated for the past 30 years and the results continue to demonstrate significant improvement through examining one's interior cognitive/thinking interpretations of life events, other people and most especially one's own self. I agree suffering may not be rational and is usually based on irrational interpretations, but either way it is a choice.
WE MAY HAVE MORE CONTROL OVER THE PAIN OF A STUBBED TOE THAN THE PAIN OF A BROKEN HEART
I agree it does seem to "feel" that way and society certainly tends to glorify suffering and sacrifice as the way to God. However, I tend to disagree and, in fact, hold the view that our conditioned need for suffering and sacrifice may impede spiritual correspondence.
POSITIVE THINKING IS A CRUEL IDEA TO LIVE UP TO WHEN ONE IS SUFFERING
I'm not sure what people mean by "positive thinking." Positive thinking has NOTHING to do with cognitive theory and this would be an oversimplification that minimizes from ignorance. (Seligman advocated a "positive psychology" several years ago but it is NOT based on cognitive sciences and has not made much ground since it is based on "happiness" )
Particularly in this society, we tend to experience our life based on our 'actions. We base our personal value on what we have done or have failed to do. We spend much less time examining our thought patterns, even though it is the thought processes and beliefs which define our world, other people and ourselves. Many live in "cognitive default" and fail to adequately assess the interpretations and meanings that they base their actions on (this is clearly evident just by watching the news). Stop living like other people and learn to live by your own creative interpretations, rather than the interpretations you are expected to experience.
People have a tendency to relate to others and the world from knee-jerk reactions based on unexamined assumptions/beliefs resulting in downright irrational and fraudulent interpretations.This I refer to as "cognitive hell" and you may know of many who live in such a state of being.
A cognitive therapist can aid you in identifying irrational beliefs that result in unrealistic interpretations of yourself, others and the world, causing unnecessary suffering, thereby, impeding the quality of your life and the quality of your relationships (which basically determines the quality of your life).
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