The Discovery of “Comfort Zones”

The psychological ego-self is a victim of patterns and themes. Repetition is ground down into the subconscious and we often find ourselves engaging in repetitive actions/behaviors involving repeat experiences. 

You ask yourself “why does this keep happening to me?” but rarely go deep enough to discover the answer. These habitualized experiences have evolved into comfort zones and they include not only solitary behaviors, but behaviors involving your relationships with others. They are comfort zones not because you have become comfortable in repeating them (in fact, they cause distress each time), but simply because you cannot seem to stop. 

The human ego-self has an affinity for repetition and resisting change. Often protective mechanisms employed in childhood to insulate emotions/feelings from hurt are carried over into adulthood and, rather than protect from emotional pain, they insulate us from the pleasures and joys of intimately relating with others and our world. Love is subdued and obstructed by our self-protective comfort zones. Comfort zones can cause us to shrivel upon the vine and feel disengaged from life. 

However, although these comfort zones are actually the cause of life long dis-comfort, we are loathe to change that which once protected us from the emotional pain that often comes from being intimately engaged with others. Comfort zones seek to protect from pain but result in obstructing the joy of living. 

What repetitive experiences are the themes of your life? What patterns eventually disrupt relationships that began as happy and loving interactions? What patterned behaviors block you off from others and result in your feeling estranged and alienated from even those you care about? What actions/behaviors do you keep repeating by blaming others for your need to act this way?

These are your comfort zones and they are only comfortable because they are automated responses to stress or fear. You needn’t think or consider what you are doing, you merely engage life and others from these subconscious beliefs. 

To disengage comfort zones you must increase awareness of the thoughts that initiate patterned behaviors. Seek to identify the patterns that obstruct your happiness by identifying the thoughts that evolve from distorted beliefs. These patterns are often so deeply ingrained in the subconscious that they become automated responses to threats of emotional pain and you engage these knee-jerk responses without conscious thought or intent. You must do the work to become more conscious and aware of these responses and this often requires the courage to honestly evaluate the truth in the criticism that comes from the significant others in your life. 

Therapy can assist in identifying comfort zones that result in self-sabotaging behaviors, but awareness is an ongoing process that must persist after leaving the therapists office. We drive our cars from the subconscious often with little conscious awareness except when needed. Yet, this is how many live out their lives, continuously engaging the world and others from comfort zones and automated knee-jerk reactions.