About 1 million years ago the frontal lobe grew large enough to accommodate an internal locus of control that we now define as an 'ego-self' (the I-me concept, which in modernity usually occurs around the age of 2 yrs, signified by the defiant "NO!" of toddlers). Since then the the ego-self has become increasingly adept in its capacity to control other ego-selves through emotional manipulation and this happens on a macro (nation-state) and micro (marriage-family) scale.
LOCUS OF CONTROL: Individuals with a strong internal locus of control believe events in their life derive primarily from their own actions: for example, when receiving exam results, people with an internal locus of control tend to praise or blame themselves and their abilities. People with a strong external locus of control tend to praise or blame external factors such as the teacher or the exam. LINK
The only way I can evoke an emotion in you is by removing the top of your skull and planting electrodes to parts of the brain that provoke emotional states (amygdala), such as laughing, crying, anger, etc. Other than that, it is absolutely impossible for me to make you "feel" anything at all. You can make an interpretation on what I say or do that causes an emotive response, but that is a brain process between your ears and does not involve me since I have no access to the neuro-circuitry of your grey matter.
The belief that your feelings/emotions can be controlled by external sources (people, situations, events, conditions) negates the very laws of physics governing the world you live in and can result in your victimization by others. Every "feeling" is an intentional choice, yet that choice can be powerfully influenced by subconscious circuitry formatted over many decades.
The socially programmed belief that external events can influence and provoke a thought-emotion-behavior feedback loop in your grey matter is physically impossible, but it is an institutional fact that denies reality (just like the institutional fact that a green piece of paper with Washington's face on it is worth 10 dollars is only a fact if we all agree it's true).
However, if you believe your emotions are subject to outside forces, I can then manipulate you to conform to my expectations by targeting your insecurities and purposely agitating those weaknesses in an intent to secure control over you. But this is only effective if you have refused to acknowledge your insecurities and, hence, have done nothing to heal those wounds.
Suffering is a product of feelings/emotions and the ultimate goal of all therapy is to provide you with the tools to manage your feelings so that no one else can make you suffer. Even psychiatry, which relies on medications acting upon specific neuro-chemicals in the brain, seeks to empower you to manage your own feelings and moods.
Claiming that "he/she made me feel this way" is like blaming gravity that you fell down, rather than acknowledging the fact that you should be more careful where you're walking.Every day throughout your entire life, you experience the world through a Thought-Emotion-Behavior Feedback Loop and the chief determinant of all emotions and behaviors begin with thought in which habitually repetitive thoughts obviously result in habitually repetitive emotions subsequently resulting in habitually repetitive behaviors. The chief focus in altering the emotions that provoke dysfunctional behaviors is by identifying the habitually repetitive thought/belief patterns (interpretations) that are the catalyst for allowing you to become a victim of others.
COGNITIVE BEHAVIORAL THERAPY
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